Time to Listen

Nat: You know, I don’t have a good feeling about this…

Andrian: From my point of view is, even if the worst thing happen, you still can’t do anything about it. So I would say, relax, and don’t beat yourself over this.

Nat: Maybe it’s time for me to listen to what my heart says.

Andrian : It always brings good, listening to what your heart says.

Nat: Yea… all this time when what my heart says contradicted of what I desired most, I denied to listen, then I ended up not so much in a good shape…

Andrian : We all learn, baby Sis…

Nat: Yes we do. I am going to make this decision… I may bleed over this… stay with me for that while…

Andrian : You know I will.

Nat: *quick hug

Andrian: It will be okay…

On Religion and People

I watched this TV series “Private Practice” last week. Actually I’m a little bit of a fan of this character Dr. Addison Montgomery in that series. She’s mature, sexy, high-achiever, and equipped with alluring eyes and a killing smile. I want one Dr. Addison Montgomery of my own! Hahaha…

But it’s not about that character I want to talk about. It’s about the storyline of this particular episode. It depicted a number of Catholic nuns who caught typhoid fever. Everyone was confused on who transferred that tropical disease to them, while none of them ever left America soil. It turned out that the parish Pastor who transfers it to one of them. At the first time I cringed, since I thought this would be another blasphemy on Catholicism by Hollywood. I braced myself and followed the story:

Pastor : I would sneak in at the night and we would…
Sam : You don’t have to say…
Pastor : I would sneak in at night and we would… cook
Naomi : Cook?
Pastor : I couldn’t boil water before she arrived, never had to. But then I would see her and she was just so graceful and smart. When anyone else was around, I would ask her for pointers. It’s been years now, we have never touched. I knew it was forbidden. She would be away on missions and was I just... A part of me was always waiting…
Sam : That the next time you can be together
Pastor : I missed my friend.

Oh. I smiled. This one is good. No blasphemy, just a smart twist around it. Actually a mocking on the usual blasphemy genre.

I never get it, blasphemies. Why people bother so much to undermine other people belief? If we are true believers, faithful practitioners of our religion, we will have no time to disgrace other religion. We will be busy minding our own business, racing to do each other good, since no religion teaches to do evil to your neighbors.

My message to blasphemers: mind your own business. Get a life.

Big Small Thing

I don’t get acne. Pimples, zits, blemish, anything they’re called, I don’t get them. Therefore when recently one came, I was all flustered *running here and there, hands waving frantically over my head, shrieking hopelessly, kyaaaaa!!

Haha okay I’m exaggerating. But I was indeed panicked. Especially this one was the blackhead kind, it could easily be mistaken as a new mole. And I don’t want new mole. And it flared for days, painful when touched. I’ve heard that moles can turn dangerous when wounded. So I meticulously took care of it, involving antiseptics, band aids, and careful evasion around it when showering and doing my routine facial care. Plus days of staring intently to every mirror around, that zits/mole was definitely was put under microscope. Moreover, I had made an appointment to the most brilliant skin doctor in town, to have it most-advanced medically treated.

And then yesterday morning, it fell off, just like that… yaaayy! Wooohooo!! It was a zits anyway, not a mole. And it was cured completely. Haha imagine what the skin doctor says if I do see her… what easy money, I believe that what she would say while laughing under her breath.

Moral of this sort of unimportant story is: we tend to be afraid of things we don’t know. When we brave enough to face it, more than often it turns out to be manageable anyway. So let’s all be not afraid! :)

Bring It on! Or on Second Thought, Maybe Don’t…

There’s this new girl. I think I like her. Hence the ritual: introduction rites, same-interest probing, searching for the common ground, adjusting my pace on hers, planning on future quality times, budget allocating, etc., all the usual stuff. Then comes the expectation, weighting on the response, counting on whether this is worthwhile or not, etc., all the usual stuff.

But then, a very short while later, I stop. I sit idly. Why this takes a toll on me? Why I feel so hard leaving my current all comfortable single life? The sweet delight of not caring, not wanting, not expecting anything. A burden-free and fresh mind. A steadily, leisurely beating heart.

My old me would say on top of my lung, “Bring it on! I will fight for this girl! No mountain high enough, no valley deep enough, no river wide enough!”

This current me will say, “Enough.”

I guess this person, my ‘the one’, just simply hasn’t come yet, or doesn’t realize that she actually is, yet. When it comes, I personally believe it will be easy, peaceful, and all comfortable for both of us. Meanwhile, I will again sit back, relax, not caring, not wanting, not expecting anything.

Ain’t life sweet…

Partial Amnesia

Lately I’ve been in touch again with one of my ex.

Phone call #1 goes awkward in the beginning because we haven’t talked to each other in almost half a year. But then the ice breaks. We update each other on our lives, we laugh, we tell each other I miss you. Then afterward I wonder why I let her go, if talking to her is this much fun.

Phone call #2 goes even smoother. We begin to throw our own intimate jokes like when we were still together. We promise the next time we’re within vicinity of each other we will definitely meet up. I tell her that I wrote something about her in my blog and she promises she will take a look. Then afterward I even more wonder why I let her go, if talking to her is this much fun.

Phone call #3 was a drag. I ask her about the post on her in my blog and she doesn’t get it, she says. I ask what part, she says she doesn’t understand anything figurative. She says she is not savvy enough to neither comprehend nor appreciate my poetic, allegorical way of writing. I am sorry, she says.

Then afterward it suddenly I so crystal-clearly remember why I let her go. It was like we didn’t speak the same language. Many things that I appreciate dearly, she can never feel about the same way. Not of any ill intention, it just we differs a great deal of difference.

The thing that it happens quite frequent, this partial amnesia of mine. I tend to only remember the good things in life. The painful ones are often forgotten.

Well I don’t mind actually, this is one amnesia that I only be happy to keep :)

They Married

Jaeden is 23 and Soleil is 22. One day both single and the next day they pronounced that they are married. Don’t think Amsterdam or Sydney, it was held in, brace yourself, Jakarta. The matrimony is by putting their hands together on a Bible and vowed to each other, and, voila, a lesbian marriage it is. At least to themselves.

Don’t get me wrong about the sarcasm. I am happy for them. Jaeden is my baby sister that I care a great deal of. I don’t really know Soleil yet but I’m sure she’s a great girl. They look so cute together. And the spirit to bring their relationship sacred instead of just being bed buddies does touch me, because so many people, even the older and consider themselves wiser ones, can never grown-up enough to do it.

It just that last night it came to me, my reasonable doubt. They had an argument on something, I should say, trivial. Almost too trivial to let your heart endure a painful faster beating from that negative emotion. They behaved like 22 year olds. But hey, they are 22 year old… I might do they same when I was 22, given the same situation. Along with the years after, I grew up mellower, from the ever elevated pain threshold. I know Jaeden, and I believe she will be too someday soon. Then I feel my reasonable doubt withers, knowing that they will work this out, that everything’s going to be just fine.

Jaeden and Soleil, you have my blessing. I wish you love, I wish you happiness, for today and for many many years of infinity.